Millennials’ Affair With Dating Apps
Aisha, 22, an aspiring scientist, has been across the globe in pursuit of her studies. For her, the best way to interact with people from different walks of life and also ‘to explore the surroundings’ has been through Tinder. In Bhubaneswar for quite sometime, she’s well acquainted with the topic on hand – online dating apps! Tinder, Truly Madly, Happn, Aisle and others are such apps, which use platforms like Facebook and Instagram, to verify their systems and maintain credibility.
With a burgeoning class of tech-savvy young population in the twin cities, MCL did a short survey in the area to gauge how this culture has seeped into the state. About 80 percent admitted that they have explored dating apps with about 43.8% being in the age bracket of 22-25. Interestingly, men were found to be using these apps more, almost 66%. Tinder was clearly the most-used app, with Truly Madly a distant second.
The ‘Dating’ Culture
While dating is a fundamental western institution in the search for a prospective mate, what are then the dynamics of the idea here?
To a housewife in her 40s and the mother of two teenagers, dating apps appear similar to the matrimony sites her friends consult for their children. “Well, it is kind of like that, isn’t it? Since the youngsters are doing it themselves, they have some leeway”, she says. So, is that how one meets people these days? New people, that is. Barring the select few who run into like-minded individuals, courtesy their college and work environ, most of the general youth don’t have much options when it comes to romantic pursuits. However, with technology coming to its aid, this problem has met with a partial solution, primarily through social media. It does make it easier to initiate relationships, both of the platonic and romantic kind.
The millennials are definitely adopting the modern form of courting even as arranged marriages are still very much in vogue in our country. “The prospective bride and groom talk, and if they connect, the process moves forward,” says Aadhyaa Mohanty, a 28-year-old lawyer. “It is easy to see why the slightly older crowd would consider dating apps to be in the same family as matrimonial sites; but casual dating and arranged marriage couldn’t be further apart!!
According to Neha Gupta, 38, mother of a toddler, “Compared to earlier times, more youngsters are leaving the family threshold and moving away to forge their own destinies. In such a situation, they are also more likely to find a partner for themselves, rather than depend on family-approved choices. This introspective process involves forming and dissolving some relationships, subject to one’s prerogative. It’s quite organic; people look for the one best suited for them!”
.jpg)
It’s true, the very concept of casual dating is generally at loggerheads with orthodox traditionalists, who treat pre-marital sex as taboo. “The rise of these apps does not necessarily indicate at a full-blown problem with the idea of arranged marriages; it has more to do with an act of experiment and rebellion by the youth who associate arranged marriages and meet ups with a slightly ‘uncool’ quotient,” says Mohit, a 26-year-old corporate employee.
The matrimony sites are fulfilling their purposes quite well, and there’s no denying the fact that dating apps are also on a roll.
Hrishita Pattnaik, a 21-year-old college student, echoes this sentiment. “Meeting new and interesting people is always a plus, even if they don’t strike the romantic chord. Since I like to travel, it’s interesting to have conversations with like-minded people outside my social circle. In fact, I have made some good friends on such apps.”
What Do Users Look For On Dating Apps?
Well, millennials apparently notice everything. Starting from the bio to the kind of pictures available, everything is scrutinised! Bios are also peppered with phrases like “adrenaline junkie”, “playful ambivert” and the ever popular, “sapiosexual”; most people aren’t even aware of their meanings! “Honestly, I don’t want to see the words ‘sapiosexual’ and ‘wanderlust’ ever again; I’m over those words now!” adds Bikash, a 31 year old engineer.
Apparently, girls tend to put up pictures of Priyanka Chopra or any other poster girl, in order to fend off creeps. “In such a scenario, how many options can one explore?” questions Ankit, student, 22.
It’s the same for boys also, supposedly. “I’m tired of looking at shirtless selfies; I can’t even see their faces; do they want me to talk to their abs instead?” says Aisha.
Motivation For The Virtual Connect
Why are dating apps becoming such a rage? What is the underlying motivation? Is it a pressing need to be understood? “Partly, yes. The youngsters I see these days are very hesitant to disclose their feelings; they find it easier to do it virtually, to people who they feel won’t judge them,” explains Anuradha Mahapatra, mental health activist.
Dr. Jigyasha, psychologist at AIIMS, says “There are two factors involved. One is the prevalent commitment-phobic attitude among the youngsters; so, causal dating virtually is ‘easier’ and more oriented for their needs. This is a universal phenomenon, not just in our country or city. The second factor, however, is very city-specific. In smaller areas like Bhubaneswar and Cuttack, people tend to know each other socially and the circles are usually smaller. That poses the danger of getting caught! So, dating apps offer a solution to the youngsters here.”
Parents’ Take On The Apps
These apps seem to have taken the baton of finding a partner from the parents’ control, thrusting it directly into the hands of the young generation. Statistics say roughly 75% of the youth don’t really like to talk about their dating history with their parents.
In all this, what do the parents have to say? Asha, who has a twenty-year old daughter, tells MCL, “I cannot stop marvelling at how much technology has advanced! All these apps seem fun; of course, I would advise her to be careful, but I trust my daughter’s judgement.”
Not everyone shares the same perspective though. Maitree (51), who has two sons, has a differing opinion. “I feel this will lead to an increase in crime! Why do we have to ape the West in everything?”
Are These Apps Safe?
Of course, there are plenty – if not infinite – tales cautioning one to be alert while accessing the web, and not without reason. That apart, with a rise in alternative and home-grown dating apps, it becomes extremely difficult to distinguish the good ones from the entire ‘breed’, a genuine problem for most users. Ravi, 31, started talking to a girl on one such app. “I thought it was a fake profile. But she sent voice notes, video calls, and even planned a date! I was almost reassured, but then she turned out to be married!”
For women, it is definitely worse. Hrishita says, “When I used to have a Facebook page, I got a bunch of creepy messages regularly. I wish I could say that dating apps have fixed this issue. There are some nefarious individuals who start nagging you and harassing you on other social media platforms like Facebook and Instagram, if you unmatch or discontinue talking to them on the dating app.”
Giving a word of advice to all youngsters, DCP Anup Sahoo tells MCL, “These days most youngsters go beyond the conventional framework and use online platforms to look for their partners. Although it is an easy way and sometimes they are successful, it is not the case always. Such apps also contribute to cybercrime. A good way to go about it is to intimate their close friends or family members about such new relationships. In case things go wrong, they would have the right advisors. Moreover, they should be very cautious and alert while meeting strangers who they have contacted through these apps.”