Amiyabala Parida: A Mother, A Professor, A Social Worker

Amiyabala Parida: A Mother, A Professor, A Social Worker

Amiyabala Parida is a real-life hero in every sense of the word. Her actions speak volumes about her dedication to supporting the vulnerable in our society, whether it's offering emotional support or providing financial assistance. She embodies the essence of a superhero, fearlessly confronting societal norms and standing up for what's right, even in the face of personal struggles.

Our team had the privilege of meeting Prof. Amiyabala Parida recently, to learn about her remarkable journey from being a professor to becoming a social activist. Below are the excerpts from our conversation.

What inspired your transition from a successful homemaker and professor to a social activist? Could you share more about your journey?

Instead of calling it a journey I would like to call it a new life. Because I had never expected my life to be the way it is now. But due to a drastic turn, this is my life today.

I was a very good student. I was the gold medallist of my batch. I always wanted to be self-sufficient. And like all other girls I also had small dreams for my life. I got everything I had dreamed of. A loving husband, a good son, good in-laws. And the additional happiness was that at a very early age I got my dream job. I had a complete life and everything was going well, but suddenly my husband met with a road accident at the age of 48. That was the most harrowing incident of my life which changed everything. 

After that accident he went into a coma. With the doctor’s permission, we got him home after a long time. It was like taking care of two kids. One was an 8-year-old kid and the other was 48 years old. I managed the situation with dedication and effort. Unfortunately, ten years later, one fateful day, my son passed away in a road accident. That incident ruined me completely. I was emotionally disrupted. Although I was dealing with a brave face but mentally I was paralyzed I had no idea what was going on. I had nothing to live for, yet I could not die as my paralyzed husband was dependent on me completely. I had no scope to express my grief as he was not aware of it. Gradually I tried to carry myself to fulfil my son and husband’s dream. Over time I tried to stand taller than ever. And this is how the direction of my life completely changed. 

Are you focused on addressing broader societal challenges or are you primarily concerned with resolving specific traffic-related issues?

I am not a social activist; I am a worker who works for society. So, I cannot focus on just one issue. I have concerns for all issues which are affecting societal wellbeing. And traffic is one of the biggest issues of society. Moreover, I have lost two members of my family, so I know the criticality. That's why most of the programmes are based on traffic issues. 

What was the biggest challenge you faced during initial days of social work?

My greatest challenge was to maintain emotional resilience, but what kept me motivated was the dream of my son and husband. Instead of viewing it solely as a challenge, I found solace and purpose in their aspirations, guiding me forward in life.

You gained considerable attention for challenging the traditional norms of Hindu culture by lighting the funeral pyre of your husband. Could you share more about the incident and how you navigated societal perceptions and reactions?

Yes, I performed all the final rituals for my husband. It wasn't about breaking societal rules, but rather challenging outdated norms that lacked authenticity. 

When my husband passed away during the COVID-19 pandemic, I found myself alone without any immediate support, and my in-laws couldn't reach me. In that moment of desperation, I consulted priests for guidance. Ultimately, I made the decision to proceed with the funeral rites myself, including giving my husband the funeral pyre, while holding a photo of my son Girija close to me.

After observing the ritual, what was the reaction of your in-laws and the society in general? 

Following the completion of the rituals, there was significant negative scrutiny from everyone. To clear my own doubts, I did my own research, scouring books, the internet, and consulting numerous priests well-versed in our cultural traditions and rituals.

I discovered no explicit prohibition against women performing funeral rites. However, there were scientific explanations offered for the traditional restrictions. It was commonly held that women, being perceived as emotionally fragile, might disrupt the departure of the departed soul by displaying overt grief. Concerns regarding hygiene and the spread of certain germs from the cremation flames, especially leading to hair infections, were raised. This is why the practice of male participants of the rituals shaving their heads prevails. Hence, I got rid of all doubts.

After establishing yourself in a respected profession, you transitioned into social work. However, many individuals claim the title of social activists for self-promotion, what do you think about this?

I always say that social work is not a business or it is not a platform for self-publicity. Social work is a mindset. It cannot be used for the self-purpose or to fulfil personal agenda. It might not be caught instantly but your intention definitely reflects on the ground. And the biggest issue is that in the long term it has a very negative impact on society and also it creates a very wrong and unhealthy mindset among the people. 

Do you believe that social media is often misused by self-proclaimed social workers, who exaggerate their accomplishments, or do you see any positive aspects to its use in this context?

Actually, it is both. If I speak about myself, most of the time, I used to post some special pictures I clicked at the field. And every time I received phone calls where people express their desire to join hands to help people. And I also got appreciation for my work and that encouraged me to work more for the people. But many-a-times I have seen people post pictures of giving products to the needy. In such a situation, it seems as if someone is exhibiting him/herself. So, posting a picture in social media is not always bad but what matters is the intention.

In your years of working for society, which issue do you consider most harmful, and what changes do you believe are necessary to address it?

Silence of a victim is harmful to society. Because their silence stops the society from knowing the kind of change it deserves. And they should raise their voice to bring good change in society. The positive change of the society can be made with our effort and we all should be prepared to face the society during our fight for the good change.

How would you like to define yourself, as a professor or a social worker?

Rather than these titles, I would like to define myself as the mother of the late Girija Parida. It is only because of him that I could come this far. Before he left us, he had made a path for me to walk on. And today Girija is no longer confined to being a person, he has become a concept. So, I am a proud mother of Girija.